Normally, I’m not a big fan of April Fool’s stories in the press. They’re rarely funny, usually blindingly obvious, and generally seem to be taking needed space away from the important journalistic business of determining whether the Devil’s instrument on Earth has chosen to take the form of Barack Obama or Fox News.
Leave it to The New Yorker’s Alex Ross to buck the trend. His April Fool’s blog post, which took the form of a 2010-11 season announcement for a nonexistent Manhattan-based orchestra, is darkly hilarious, and like all great satire, the more you know about the larger unpleasant truths of the industry it parodies, the funnier it gets…
“While other orchestras retread the tired old classics, we at the [Lower Midtown Orchestra] are elated to announce a raft of world premières. The acclaimed American master John Adams is our Composer-in-Residence; in October he will be on hand to conduct a new large-scale orchestral work with the intriguing title “Sorry Guys, Much Too Busy This Season, Best of Luck 
.”
And don’t you hate it when conductors insist on trying to do innovative things with your favorite symphonies when you just want the performance to sound like the recording you’ve owned since 1976? Have no fear, Ross has you covered:
“Our Beethoven Cycle will consist of Beethoven’s best-loved piece, the Symphony No. 5, “Duh-duh-duh DUUUHHH,” being played over and over and over and over again. In a series of five concerts, the Fifth will be heard no fewer than twenty times, with no variation whatsoever in the particulars of the interpretation. To ensure a total lack of spontaneity, the podium at ConAgra Jiffy Pop™ [Concert Hall] will be occupied by a TV set playing a video of Lorin Maazel. After each performance, listeners are invited to a panel discussion at McGrimm’s bar, where members of the Orchestra will reflect on the experience while drinking themselves into oblivion.”
